Okie Doke Then...

Me and pseudo-boo are back on good terms...

But believe it or not, my life does not revolve around him, or any other semblance of a love life.

I have friends that worry.. but since I'm not "trying" to find a man, I guess I'm saving my worrying for later.

I'm sitting here in a library, trying to figure things out. I'm not getting very far.

Thoughts & Observations of the week...

-Britney is pure entertainment at this point.
-Tony is too young for Eva.
-This cycle of ANTM might be as wack as Naima's...
-Racism had to be the hot-word of the week. I kind of think that it's learned - alienation/prejudice. If we were to erase everyone's memories and start every one fresh, we may just all get along....
-I am not well versed..at all.. in politics. And I can't figure out if I really care to be.
-My Kingdom Come CD is scratched. F-CK. I bought the first one... I'mma have to burn the next one.
-Ugly Betty has maybe become a mainstay....

Random Reflections

All a girl really wants to know is whether her ex(boyfriend/lover) still finds her attractive....

found out the answer is yes. (yes!)

I had a great Saturday. Got picked up, went to Waffle House (simple pleasures, people) and went to Atlantic Station. Found a bench and sat. Sat for hours. Don't know how time passed, but it clearly did for the sun moved across the sky. There were plenty of things to talk about.. or should I say people to talk about. For some reason this big Christmas tree was the big attraction. Everyone had to take pictures in front of it. Yet, no one was taking pictures of the tree itself in its enormisity (made up word? very likely). Then he was nice enough to give me a ride to the airport. Lovely.

I love reconnecting with the old. I don't know why. It's like I never have enough closure. Or I like to see if there's still something there.


December is upon us. Are you ready to say goodbye to 2006? I think it will be just a bit depressing. I really have nothing to look forward to. It's hard to get excited for nothing, ya know?

My next distraction is New Years. I don't want it to be a distraction but it will be, because what else is going on?

I just don't know how I feel about 2007. I'll be 24. Maybe not feeling anything is a good thing. Or maybe I should push to really make resolutions/change. But I've given up on change. I guess I believe people stay the same. Or maybe it's just situations that stay the same.

I miss all the old blogs. Whatever happened to old girl at Hampton? Did she find a job? Is Book-A-Broad-A-Day still getting numbers?

Saturday Night Vent

Yesterday was my psuedo-boo's birthday... psuedo because he's only my boo in theory .. and in my mind I guess.

I sent a card. I love sending birthday cards because it just seems so thoughtful.

Anyways, his birthday was yesterday. I called in the afternoon.. no answer.. just left a text to have him call me. So as I go about the rest of my day, I realize I haven't gotten a call back. I give a last ditch effort to speak to him on his birthday and call him at 11:45 pm (on his time zone). No answer, so I have to leave a message.

And today, no call.

Now usually when it goes down like this, it's usually been some drama with his phone.. he's lost it, he's broken it, etc. And I understand, he's probably busy, maybe his homey's in town, showing him a good time. Maybe some family drama.

I just wish I could have spoke with him on his birthday and shared some birthday joy. :(

This whole psuedo-relationship has gotten boring. I need to give it up. It's kind of at that stage.. although we're not officially dating and/or "talking," it still kind of seems a waste to keep this up if it never gets to a committment stage. I think the thinking is that if I let him go a little bit, if he likes me enough he'll maybe wake up and pursue harder. Does this ever happen in real life?

Up until this point I've been okay, not really feeling an overpowering need to have a man and/or love in my life. But I think the holidays and wintertime is having that effect on me.. how nice it'd be to have someone really special in my life. But I don't just want someone.. I want something really committed, and I want like a real live man. Someone who's all man. Someone who can sport a suit and just come off so sexy. Yes. That'd be nice.

I thought I was working toward psuedo-boo being that man. Now I must find someone else to fulfull that fantasy.

Mondays Rejuvenated (a bit)

For a few years there my Mondays were all about Girlfriends. Somehow, someway, I had found my way to this lovely show and it became a staple. Undoubtedly, Mondays were a Black People Night your UPN, but I really only would tune it for this show and maybe follow up with Half & Half.

That is, until last year, when Girlfriends jumped the shark. It just got boring and unbelieavable. The big turn off for me was Lynn having the lesbain girlfriend. Stupid!

So for awhile there, there just wasn't any Monday TV for me. Then I discovered How I Met Your Mother.

It's like the Friends of the next generation.. but maybe funnier? The last two eps I've seen have been friggin hilarious. I never would have thought I would watch a show on CBS, but shoot, it had Alyson Hannigan so I thought I'd give it a try. Now I find myself tuning in at seven for HIMYM, staying at seven-thirty for The Class, a quick switch at eight for Girlfriends (cause I just don't see how Two and a Half Men are a top-20 show), and then back to CBS for The New Adventures of Old Christine (and yes, this one is pretty funny too). So anyways.. I do Mondays with CBS. Surprise, surprise.

The End of an Era

I just sent to a bunch of people I know telling them I have "officially" changed my email address. Over the past year, I've been bouncing around.. I have two AOL emails, one yahoo, and then I use my work email since I can't log on to neither AOL nor Yahoo at work.. (lol, don't ya love it?).

So last week I signed up for gmail, to check it out. Most importantly, the email had to be accessible by my phone applications. Luckily, gmail has the perfect application - so insted of actually logging on the the Sprint Web, I just run an application.

I knew I would keep gmail the minute I signed up. But I hesitated spreading the word.

I've had my AOL email (and IM name) for years now. I want to say seven. And before that I had a different email.. we've been with AOL I want to say since '95/'96. Me giving up my beloved email moniker.. it's like the end of an era. Although the name will live on on AIM, it's still a little sad... and I kinda do hope someone keeps emailing me there.


(insert tear drop).

Another Day Another Dollar

Get up.
shower.
turn on tv [Saved by the Bell, The Today Show].
lotion.
iron.
brush teeth.
do face.
do hair.
get dressed.
find keys.
say goodbye.
commute [Steve Harvey, Tom Joyner, Skip Murphy].
get to desk.
start work.
go to cafeteria for breakfast.
back to work.
slack off.
back to work.
lunch.
slack off.
back to work.
commute.
library/shopping/
home.
change clothes.
turn on tv [variety].
clean kitchen.
watch tv [variety..eventually Sex & the City, Scrubs, L&O].
do face.
brush teeth.
do hair.
get on internet.
if lucky pillow talk.
sleep.

pretty much

this can't be life...

Ham, Eggs, Red Lipstick

It's been a long time. I feel like I really want to blog. Maybe I'll be more committed.. maybe not.

Grey's Anatomy had an interesting metaphor about committment last week... are you the Ham or the Eggs? The Pig or the Chicken? Are you Committed, or just Involved?

Now the whole ham/eggs, pig/chicken thing.. it really doesn't make that much sense. It's one of those things you just take at face value and let it make sense. It partly doesn't make sense because I, for one, have never had ham and eggs for breakfast. I also cannot say ham and eggs without wanting to say "green eggs and ham. Sam I Am," and all that good stuff. See, a good breakfast for me is french toast, bacon (pork!) and fruit. Pancakes, eggos, or biscuits can substitute the french toast, but there simply must be some bacon and possibly some fruit to make me feel nutritious.

I think the ham/egg thing means is that the ham is committed to the meal, for the meat is really the basis of the meal. The egg can come and go as it pleases and can be easily substituted for bacon, sausage or has browns (if you're into that kind of thing).

This relationship I'm in.. I think we are both eggs. I don't know what it will take to be committed. The truth is, he's looking for a wife. I'd love to be wifed up, but I don't know if I'm in lust with him like that.. and trust, I'm going to be totally lusted & blown with someone if I'm willing to contemplate the "maybe he's the one." I can't help but wonder, where would we be if we lived in the same city? Maybe the relationship would have come and gone already.

But then again maybe this is a different relationship, and that's why it can be good and get to that point. If anything, it's a very solid friendship. However I just don't know if the friendship would even exist without the "maybe."

I'm definitely the eggs when it comes to everything else in life - my city, my job. I feel like I just need to add some ham, sausage, and cheese to it - become a substantial meal to become committed.

I'm distracting.. again. The holidays are a good use for distraction. So much planning to be done (not). Trips to prepare for (cause any trip needs new outfits). Gifts to buy (not that I bought gifts any other year.. but this year I have some money so maybe I'll give it a try). They say don't worry about the future, worry about the present. But my present is unchanged. And my future is all blurry. I don't even think Lasik could help. I just feel so undefined. And let's not forget unmotivated. Unrewarded. Un-understood.


Why I Wore Red Lipstick to My Mastectomy. It was such a good, solid movie. Lifetime. Check it out. I usually just "forget" to give my self-breast exam, but yesterday I actually did it. I just hope that if the time ever comes around, I can be as brave as she was. And oh yeah, she didn't die! I told ya it was a good movie...