Saturday Night Vent

Yesterday was my psuedo-boo's birthday... psuedo because he's only my boo in theory .. and in my mind I guess.

I sent a card. I love sending birthday cards because it just seems so thoughtful.

Anyways, his birthday was yesterday. I called in the afternoon.. no answer.. just left a text to have him call me. So as I go about the rest of my day, I realize I haven't gotten a call back. I give a last ditch effort to speak to him on his birthday and call him at 11:45 pm (on his time zone). No answer, so I have to leave a message.

And today, no call.

Now usually when it goes down like this, it's usually been some drama with his phone.. he's lost it, he's broken it, etc. And I understand, he's probably busy, maybe his homey's in town, showing him a good time. Maybe some family drama.

I just wish I could have spoke with him on his birthday and shared some birthday joy. :(

This whole psuedo-relationship has gotten boring. I need to give it up. It's kind of at that stage.. although we're not officially dating and/or "talking," it still kind of seems a waste to keep this up if it never gets to a committment stage. I think the thinking is that if I let him go a little bit, if he likes me enough he'll maybe wake up and pursue harder. Does this ever happen in real life?

Up until this point I've been okay, not really feeling an overpowering need to have a man and/or love in my life. But I think the holidays and wintertime is having that effect on me.. how nice it'd be to have someone really special in my life. But I don't just want someone.. I want something really committed, and I want like a real live man. Someone who's all man. Someone who can sport a suit and just come off so sexy. Yes. That'd be nice.

I thought I was working toward psuedo-boo being that man. Now I must find someone else to fulfull that fantasy.