Ham, Eggs, Red Lipstick

It's been a long time. I feel like I really want to blog. Maybe I'll be more committed.. maybe not.

Grey's Anatomy had an interesting metaphor about committment last week... are you the Ham or the Eggs? The Pig or the Chicken? Are you Committed, or just Involved?

Now the whole ham/eggs, pig/chicken thing.. it really doesn't make that much sense. It's one of those things you just take at face value and let it make sense. It partly doesn't make sense because I, for one, have never had ham and eggs for breakfast. I also cannot say ham and eggs without wanting to say "green eggs and ham. Sam I Am," and all that good stuff. See, a good breakfast for me is french toast, bacon (pork!) and fruit. Pancakes, eggos, or biscuits can substitute the french toast, but there simply must be some bacon and possibly some fruit to make me feel nutritious.

I think the ham/egg thing means is that the ham is committed to the meal, for the meat is really the basis of the meal. The egg can come and go as it pleases and can be easily substituted for bacon, sausage or has browns (if you're into that kind of thing).

This relationship I'm in.. I think we are both eggs. I don't know what it will take to be committed. The truth is, he's looking for a wife. I'd love to be wifed up, but I don't know if I'm in lust with him like that.. and trust, I'm going to be totally lusted & blown with someone if I'm willing to contemplate the "maybe he's the one." I can't help but wonder, where would we be if we lived in the same city? Maybe the relationship would have come and gone already.

But then again maybe this is a different relationship, and that's why it can be good and get to that point. If anything, it's a very solid friendship. However I just don't know if the friendship would even exist without the "maybe."

I'm definitely the eggs when it comes to everything else in life - my city, my job. I feel like I just need to add some ham, sausage, and cheese to it - become a substantial meal to become committed.

I'm distracting.. again. The holidays are a good use for distraction. So much planning to be done (not). Trips to prepare for (cause any trip needs new outfits). Gifts to buy (not that I bought gifts any other year.. but this year I have some money so maybe I'll give it a try). They say don't worry about the future, worry about the present. But my present is unchanged. And my future is all blurry. I don't even think Lasik could help. I just feel so undefined. And let's not forget unmotivated. Unrewarded. Un-understood.


Why I Wore Red Lipstick to My Mastectomy. It was such a good, solid movie. Lifetime. Check it out. I usually just "forget" to give my self-breast exam, but yesterday I actually did it. I just hope that if the time ever comes around, I can be as brave as she was. And oh yeah, she didn't die! I told ya it was a good movie...