Ready or Not

a la Fugees...

It's generally assumed in our society that if you are single, you must be hoping, wishing, wanting a signficant other. Someone to snuggle with, someone to laugh with, someone to grow with. When you get a certain age, people are sure to wonder "Why doesn't she have a man? Why isn't she married?" It's like if you are not with someone you are that lone, liftless left sock; basically, you're useless.

I'm 23. At age 16, I fully expected myself at this age to be engaged or married - either way, attached to someone. Don't laugh; I thought 23 was damn grown.

Now I honestly wonder if I could ever be in love. I had some-kind-love in high school; at the time I knew it was love; now I just don't know.

I've had some great infatuations, lusts, and maybe-this-could-be-oh-i-hope-we-could-be-in-loves. But maybe all those times I was just fooling myself. Perhaps I haven't even scratched the surface of love?

I wonder what I would be like in Love. At its best, you become your best person when it it. I really like to think I'll fall head-over-heels in Love with someone at first sight. Then - of course - bag him, and be so in Love, Infatuated, and Lusted with him that I'll never have a wandering eye, and most important - never doubt my feelings.

But a lot of times, people "grow" into love. Friendships become Love. I definitely get the benfits of it... but wouldn't you doubt that Love? And that's the thing, I wouldn't want to doubt...

Thus, at this point, I really don't know if I'm ready for Love... don't even know if I want it. I've been without it for so long...