Sometimes I Feel Like Gnarls Barkley

JUST A THOUGHT...

All I want is your understanding
As in the small act of affection"Why is this my life?"
Is almost everybody's question

And I've tried
Everything but suicide
But it's crossed my mind

(Verse)I prefer peace
Wouldn't have to have one word of possession
But essentially I'm an animal
So just what do I do with all the aggression?

(Hook)Well I've tried
Everything but suicide
But it's crossed my mind

(Verse)Life is a one-way street, and if you could paint it
I'd draw myself going in the right direction
So I go all the way - like I really really know -
But the truth is I'm only guessin'

(Hook)And I've triedEverything but suicide
Oooh but it's crossed my mind
Just a thought

(Verse)It's even dark in the daytime
It's not just good - it's +Great Depression+
When I was lost I even found myself
Looking in the gun's direction

(Hook)And so I've tried
Everything but suicide
But yes - it's crossed my mind
But I'm fine

Say A Little Prayer

To all those who love African-American authored fiction..

E. Lynn Harris' new book is out! Titled Say A Little Prayer. Finally!.. it's been a long wait. It's a good one. Go cop it... only $15 @ Tarjet.

How are you?

I like to tell people that I might have been "raised" in the south (North Carolina, what you know about that?), but I wasn't born there. Summarily, southern hospitality doesn't come naturally. I like to open my own doors, and mind my business when walking down the street. Additionally, there is an innate part of my personality that doesn't really care how you are, and don't really feel the need to tell you how I am.

This does not apply to everyone. There are tons of people I have a vested interest in - my family, my friends, acquaintances. But there are plenty of times when "How are you?" is false and assuming. If I'm talking to you, I want to get to the meat of the dialogue - "what really going on?" I don't always see the need of the hospitable greeting. I use it when appropriate, when the conversation deems worthy. But "Whats up?" "What going down" "Hello" are all just perfectly fine greetings.

This short tirade has all stemmed from a coworker . Although we may not cross paths everyday, we usually send a short email asking work questions or chat about stuff un-work-related. I enjoy being random. I may just write something simple, like "I can't believe it stormed last night!" As a quintessential sensitive good guy (blehckk!), whatever I say cannot go ignored and he will write back something good-natured. And then he will end with "how are you?" Almost like an afterthought, yet still written so that I KNOW HE CARES. I guess I feel like our relationship doesn't need such formality. Or that we have a relationship where I don't need you to try to cross that line and see how I'm feeling at a 9 am, lunchtime, 2:30 pm… I didn't ask you how you were. You are at work, so I'm gonna assume you are alive and kicking. How does he expect me to answer? I'm menstrating so my back aches and my hair is stressing me out? So, for now, I'm going to muddle over my answer.. "fine," or "okay." Because that's really all he needs to know.

So, about a Boy

I went to Atlanta and met a boy.

Scratch that. Man.

Scratch that. Whether he is a boy or man has yet to be determined.

But I will tell you, it was the ultimate "put-on"/"hook-up."

He was totally coached by my friend. And when her tactic didn't work, she totally told me about it.

I was interested, so I salvaged the attempt. A smooth cranberry&vodka led to decent conversation, flirtation, gyration.

Unfortunately, there was only a tightly packed 14 hours left to my stay. But he scored points in attempting to hang out with me Sunday morning, and for calling me before my flight left.

4 conversations later (all at least 20 minutes long)... and I am still enjoying the dialogue. Better yet - apparently so is he! If we stayed in the same city, we would have undoubtably had a date and maybe a "chill" session by now. I would have been able to feel his hug by now. I would have been able to memorize his eyes by now.

But I'm Dallas. And I have to have that grim reality check: how can this work? How much longer till he shrugs and says "she's in Dallas." How much closer can we get when we are never able to see the facial expression that comes with the verbal exclamations?

But shoot.. this is my first (maybe) attainable crush since Jan '05/first secretive lustful crush since Sept '04. So I'm going to revel in it.

He said maybe he'd fly out to Dallas. I've told him I've got to come back to ATL to see the baby. So, we'll see.