Simple Things Everyone Should Know About Shopping In A Mall

1. Pay attention to what's going on around you. Is someone trying to walk faster to get passed you? Are you about to hit a little kid with your thousands of bags? Get the fuck outta the way!

2. Point #1 would entail you to not walk too slowly. There are millions of people in the mall, trying to get to different stores. It is not time to diddle daddle and mosey on along the yellow brick road.

3. Never ever just stop in the middle of the hallway. Niggas could get hurt.

4. Don't come into a store just to talk. The employees don't really give a fuck if you are lonely and come to the mall for conversation. It's retail, they are only in it for the dollas.

5. Never walk into the store and act all amazed, exclaiming "wow" and shit. The employees don't really care how impressed you are with their product. Keep it to yourself, and keep ya jaw shut cuz your mouth is open.

6. Do not ask simple minded questions to the employees. Comments such as "Wow how do you work here?" "Omiiigosh I could never work here!" "Do you get tired of the product?" are heard at least 5 times a day and are old. Keep to the mission at hand: purchasing.

7. Escalators. They seem to be tricky for some people. Do not slow down or stop as soon as you are about to get on or off. Niggas could get hurt; furthermore, people really don't want to run into you. So why are you stopping? There are tons of people behind you who know how to use it properly. Consider the elevator.

8. It's okay to use strollers on the escalator if you know what you are doing. However, if you are slowing down the escalator traffic we must assume you don't know what you are doing, and are in violation of point #7. I have seen a muthafucka's stroller tip, causing the baby to fall while riding down the escalator..be smart people!

9. If your child is under the age of 15, s/he does not need to be in the mall alone. You think your kids are well-behaved, fine. Once they congregate into groups of 3 or more they turn stupid and incapable of making decisions. Additionally, they don't have any money, so why are they at the mall? Maybe they have $5.. then urge those over 16 to stick to stores they can actually utilize their $5. There is definitely a problem when a group of 8,9, and 10 year olds are hanging out at the mall by themselves. They are way too young to be alone and will get snatched one of these days.

10. There is no dress code for the mall, but take into consideration shopping is part excercise. Wear fitting clothing and shoes for a lot walking. Nothing too short or excessively tight. Heels over 3 inches probably aren't going to do you much good. Although the mall does have a social aspect to it, this should not be your only reason for perusing the mall and thus you should under no circumstances be dressed for the club, homecoming formals, or prom. But do make sure to wash your face, comb your hair, and brush your teeth.

11. Some people like to go the mall in groups of four or more. That is fine, but there is no reason for these groups to be walking shoulder to shoulder down the hallway. There is no way your conversation can carry from one end to the other. Furthermore, it is inconsiderate to those trying to navigate around you. Be aware of the shoppers trying to get around you, and walkers who seem to be walking into you in the opposite direction. Try something simple: move the fuck out of the way! You are in violation, you need to do the yeilding. One of these days yall simple asses are gonna get popped.

12. Realize that the mall is dirty. Your children should not be putting their mouths on any glass window or structure.

13. Be courteous to sales associates. If they say hello, say hello back. If you do not answer the first time and they say hello again, that's a clue that you were rude and need to speak. It's a simple gesture of ettiquette, and they may/may not pester you into buying something. Furthermore, it's their job: suck it up bitch.

14. Do not ask questions rhetorically/out loud about prices or other specifics of products. The sales associates are there for a reason, and they know more about the product than you. Never assume you know more; you are likely wrong. This may be news to some of you folk, but the customer is not always right.

15. Don't keep your money in your bra. That is nasty and unsanitary, and no one wants boob cooties.

16. If you cough or sneeze, be aware you a spreading germs. Try not to utilize the hand you coughed into to hand over money.


Worried you are using wrong mall etiquette? Feel free to ask and I will let you know...

I.M-lightenment

Above all, I enjoy a good conversation. However, they are hard to come by recently. I recently had a really good IM conversation.. like one that went on for over an hour! A definite rarity. Learned a lot and learned once again, that truth is bitter. Anotha1: Never.really.had.female.friends Anotha1: Tellin.u.man.I.aint.normal Anotha1: Always.felt.too.much.sexual.tension.between.me.and.my.female.friends Tea: so, i can't just have this deep long as convo with you and not pretend it didn't happen Tea: lol Anotha1: For.real Tea: you must care for some females more that others.. Anotha1: I've.always.had.a.way.with.women Tea: okay, no need to blow yourself up Anotha1: Ever.sense.I.was.little.even.female.teachers Anotha1: I'm.just.venting Tea: what! even teachers.. crazy! Tea: so after all this talk.. it changes nothing? Anotha1: Okay.I'm.talkin.to.this.girl.who.goes.to.gstate Anotha1: But.she's.not.special Tea: then why you talkin to her? she must have something Anotha1: I.know.that's.what.u.been.waitin.to.hear Tea: yes.. :D Anotha1: Nope.just.a.random.relationship Tea: like.. why. there must have been something that attracted u Anotha1: Purely.physical.but.now.I.don't.be.wantin.to.do.it.all.the.time.and.she.be.stressin.me Tea: hm. that ain't good. just tell her it's not working out and to leave u alone. be honest. every nigga is too scared to be simple and honest about it. Anotha1: And.I.know.I'm.just.going.to.end.up.hurting.her.and.I.don't.want.to Anotha1: Its.not.that.simple.wit.me Tea: if you do what i say, it will be simple and less hurtful. the worst in when a person just ups and stops talking to you Anotha1: I.know. Anotha1: But.its.hard.to.stop.talkin.to.someone.and.try.to.explain.why.and.you.don't.know.yourself Anotha1: Not.easy. Anotha1: Especially.if.your.doin.it.so.u.won't.hurt.them.later Tea: yeah but it's good enough to be real about it and just say you don't want it anymore. when people just end it with no explanation, its like they didn't value it in the first place. just saying it is way more respectful, and really more mature. Tea: but no one is every up front about that stuff. and so it's a never ending cycle our generation participates in Anotha1: Like....I'm.hurtin.u.a.little.now.so.I.won't.hurt.u.a.lot.later.understand.good.seeyah Anotha1: Like.I'm.starvin.myself.now.so.I.won't.have.to.shit.later Anotha1: It.doesn't.make.sense Tea: it's not about the hurt, though. its a bout a relationship that isn't working. of course its gonna hurt but those things always hurt so who cares? its life Anotha1: So.why.have.them Tea: i think you are building it up to be too much. yall just fucking or whatever it is. you don't want to do it anymore. end story Tea: u said so yourself that she wasn't special. i think the point is to have them with people who are special Anotha1: No.man.its.never.that.simple. Tea: then it's going to be a bit more worth it (even if you get detached in the end) Anotha1: You.think.you.would.have.been.cool.wouldn't.have.asked.no.questions.and.just.said.aight. Anotha1: There.is.no.simple.end.story Tea: it is! maybe i'm just cynical but it is. i'm never going to take a relationship to be more than that from now on. unless ya'll are serious (which you all aren't) it's a given that its simple: we are into each other while its good; as soon as we lose interest it's over. that's the way relationships are nowadays Anotha1: T.ur.not.being.real

What Becomes of the Broken Hearted (MH)?

Can you really believe someone who says that you broke their heart? First of all, I'm cute as button and as sweet as honey... okay maybe not so sweet but I'm not a heart-breaker. I've been in many an emotional relationship, but the person I remember getting hurt was ME. So, MH likes to call me up (usually after I have tried to get in touch several times), and reminisce over the short times we have shared together. Then, every once in awhile he even tries to allude to us having a relationship.. never mind we are even futher apart now then we were then. It's really sweet. THe thought of it, I mean. When I first met him there was a mutual attraction to each other.. an infectious infatuation. But after time, he started doing that stupid boy shit... the usual obvious "I'm Not That Into You" stuff. You know, only calling once a week. Okay, so I guess that's about it. HE NEVER CALLED (and yes, I did call him). So I did what any normal 20-something would do in an involuntary casual relationship would do...I said "whatever" and mixed and mingled! I was quite surprised that when he learned this, he was upset. I was hurt, but justifitied. A signal.. or lack of one.. is a signal none the least. Apprently, he liked me a lot (but never called). Since then we drifted apart... there has always been this rift. We've seen each other, but it was never like that first time. So now he calls and reminisces. Yet I don't even think he knows how many sisters I have... where I was born...when my birthday is...who my best friend is. He never really asks the important questions.. or much at all. I carry the conversation. But there is something still there. I feel like I'm trying, but he isn't. He will say he is. He will remind me I broke his heart, but I won't believe him. Bittersweetness.

PSA: Kids R Cute! Claim Your Kids!

You think you know someone...have shared many a conversation with them...maybe go down separate paths for a while.. Only to find out they have a child! What is wrong with folk today? Especially young Black men in Atlanta. I have heard notorious stories of men with "hidden children" back in their hometowns. I don't understand the need to "hide" or "leave out the truth" about children. Yes, people don't need to know everything, but your child is your family. When you are asked about the makeup of your family, you should include him/her. If you are asked what you did when you visited your folks, you should mention you visited your child. When your baby momma comes to town so the child can see his/her father, you should be truthful. I believe women of today's young generation are understanding. Shoot, we are almost used to it. It is surprising to meet a 33-yr old without children. It may be more desirable, but we are also accepting. Better yet, we understand and some of us even like kids! In short, it's not really such a big deal. If you are afraid to tell your love interest about your child, if anything telling that person should serve as a test. A woman with true character really trying to get to know you would accept the fact that you are a father, and perhaps see that you are even a more dynamic person because of it.

The One, The Only. . . Soulmate

How many times have we heard this before? Q: "How Will I Know He/She is the One?" A: "You Just Know." It sounds so simple. But my overanalytical ass will up and miss out on that shit. I often wonder if I will find love with someone I already know and love as just a friend right now. For some reason, though, I can't imagine it. I really think I, and they, would have to become slightly different people, because as we are right now, I'm not feelin it. Thus, this leaves the task on someone I have not met yet. My plan has been to date my future husband for at the VERY LEAST 2 years (preferably 3 or 4), then have about a 9-month engagement. Seeing as the original plan didn't work out (meeting this guy in college, being married at 24, kids by 26), we will VERY likely have kids in the first 2 years (as I will undoubtedly be old by then). I recently took a (pretty short) poll of my two older, married coworkers. I asked, "How long did you know your husband before you all got married?" Both of these women are in their 40s, with 20something-year-old kids. They are making it, and they seem happy. That is a lot to say for such a divorce-clad society we live in. One woman said she and her husband dated for a couple of months, then got engaged, married 6 months later. My other coworker worked with her husban for a year, only knowing each other through business phone conversations. They finally met; he lived in Denver, she in Houston. A month after meeting she transfers to Denver, a few months later they are marred. The same goes for another coworker's parents.... met, married in the next 6 months, if not the same season! They are still married. And my parents.. met at a summer party in July '78... eloped in October. But of course, I don't know the whole story.. but I think they were bored one night and just decided to road trip and get married. Happily Divorced. Last but not least, another coworker, aged 23. She went out with some guy for a year or so, had a bad break up. She decides to pack up and move to the West Coast. A few months later she is dating a new guy when the ex comes for a weekend visit. Sometime over the weekend, they decide to see a justice of peace and get married. Now they have a 5-month old ADORABLE child. For some reason, it sounds okay for the old folks to do this. But her story just sounds CRAZY. I hope it works out, but you kinda go "I wouldn't be surpised if..." But why oh why are there so many Baby Boomer stories like this? Did this many people so easily find their soul mates? I guess "Crazy In Love" had a much more serious meaning back then... Now-a-days, Crazy in Love means ya'll are probably having all kinds of sex and drama. Honestly, I don't know what's wrong with our generation. I can say that we have been affected by being the products of "50% divorce rate" parents. Our women are way more independent. Our men, perhaps more passive. Let's not even touch on different cultural factors... The story is still out on if our generation will "find love." I think the world has taught us NOT to trust, and this will surface in our (future) marriage rate. Maybe many of us have already met our soul mates, and if we lived in 1975, we would have fallen in love and married them. However, because we are in 2005, instead we choose to question/distrust our futures with them, hold out for "something better," or are just too busty to worry about the soul mate at all. We Will Never Know.. Until We "Just Know."

The Real O.C.

There's this little show called Laguna Beach that comes on MTV. It's not my favorite show, but I watch it. I am not proud of this fact. When the show first premiered last year, I scoffed. At this time I was an "O.C." fan. I truly didn't see the point of this "fake ass O.C." show, and was tired of seeing rich white kids flaunt their wealth on MTV. That was of course, at a time when I had nice distractions like classes, parties, and working. I have a bit more time on my hands, but I had managed to ignore Laguna Beach, even though they play it A MILLION TIMES A WEEK on MTV. Then one day I watched it, and it was over. Like that IronMan guy who collapsed, a total train wreck. I wouldn't say I was/am hooked, just intriguely interested. The only name I could really keep up with was Kirsten, Jason, and Steven. The other million blondes seemed to look alike, of they all had the same names. About 4 weeks later, I've been able to pretty much catch up on the season thanks to MTVs "run-it-to-death" rerun policy. I still don't like the show, and what it stands for. It's very set-up by producers. ... but for some reason I care that LC is still with Jason. I care that Kirsten showed her face at LC's party and didn't even speak to the host. And I care that Jessica is the dumbest blonde on the whole show. I might even care if they make a 3rd season.. GO TEAM LC!

The Blog Kingdom & Not-So-Random Thoughts

I haven't blogged in a long while. But really, I love blogs. I read them all the time. I prefer blogs of people I know, or can relate to. It's kind of a secret thing though. Not that I am ashamed of it, but the only people I personally know into this kind of thing are my sisters. Something attracts me to blogging. I have always been a reader at heart. I think it is something about learning other folks' perspectives. And I, for some innate reason, want my perspective to be heard. But the thing about blogging is, you have no idea if your shit is being read. I hate to think this page just sits out there in space, never getting looked at, just targeted for those damn comment-marketers (by the way, fuck ya'll and leave my blog alone!). I think my motives for this blog has changed. I am going through such a hard time right now. Nothing is what it should be. I look at others, and can't help but compare. And people think I am looking at monetary shit. No, it's other simple shit, about where we are in life. Life is full of comparison. Those who say you shouldn't just seem.. disillusioned to me. Hopefully I can use this blog for some kind of outlet. I am not the most optimistic person. I am not perfect. I complain a lot. I watch a lot of TV. I am stressed. What is there to do?